Empathic Distress, Identity, And The Hidden Cost Of Helping with Dr. Aaron Tabacco
There is a tension beneath helping others that most people never question. What feels like empathy can sometimes be driven by something deeper, a need to resolve our own discomfort, stabilize our identity, or feel whole through someone else’s experience.
In this first part of a two-part conversation, Amy reconnects with returning guest Dr. Aaron Tabacco to explore empathic distress, the hidden patterns of fixing, and the concept of “leaky identity.” Together, they unpack how even our most well-intentioned actions can unintentionally center ourselves, reshaping how we understand empathy, leadership, and emotional responsibility. The conversation invites a more grounded, sustainable way of showing up for others without losing ourselves in the process, creating space for clarity, awareness, and a more honest form of connection.
Moments That Create Momentum:
1. The Hidden Cost Of Fixing Others – See how the instinct to help can unintentionally disrupt growth and silence others’ experiences.
2. Understanding Empathic Distress – Learn how emotional overwhelm often reflects internal discomfort rather than external responsibility.
3. What “Leaky Identity” Really Means – Explore how identity becomes dependent on others’ responses and why that creates instability.
4. The Shadow Side Of Being An Empath – Uncover how empathy can become self-serving when it is tied to validation and worth.
5. Why Compassion Is Not The Same As Empathy – Gain clarity on the distinction that allows for presence without depletion.
6. Social Conditioning And The Role Of Caretaking – Recognize how cultural and gender dynamics shape patterns of over-responsibility.
About the Guest:
Aaron Tabacco, PhD, has spent more than thirty years guiding people through growth and change, often in complex and high-stakes environments. He currently serves as the Director of Staff Experience at a major academic health sciences university. With a background spanning nursing, neuroscience, education, coaching, and mediation, his work centers on helping individuals and organizations navigate identity, connection, and transformation with greater clarity and care.
Known for his grounded presence and compassionate communication, Aaron works with students, clinicians, faculty, executives, and senior leaders across healthcare and other industries. His approach integrates relational depth, reflective practice, and a commitment to creating more humane, integrated ways of working and living. He works in San Francisco, California, and lives in Vancouver, Washington, where he continues a lifelong engagement with writing, music, and the landscapes of the Pacific Northwest alongside his husband and three adult sons.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaron-tabacco-phd-83359b9/
https://substack.com/@aarontabacco?r=b5ap9&utm_medium=ios
https://www.youtube.com/@CirclesEdges
About Amy:
Amy Lynn Durham, known by her clients as the Corporate Mystic, is the founder of the Executive Coaching Firm, Create Magic At Work®, where they help leaders build workplaces rooted in creativity, collaboration, and fulfillment. A former corporate executive turned Executive Coach, Amy blends practical leadership strategies with spiritual intelligence to unlock human potential at work.
She’s a certified Executive Coach through UC Berkeley & the International Coaching Federation (ICF) In addition, Amy holds coaching certifications in Spiritual Intelligence (SQ21), the Edgewalker Profile, and the Archetypes of Change . In addition to being the host of the Create Magic At Work® podcast, Amy is the author of Create Magic At Work®, Creating Career Magic: A Daily Prompt Journal and the founder of Magic Thread Media™. Through her work, she inspires intentional leadership for thriving workplaces and lives where “magic” becomes reality.
Connect with Amy:
https://createmagicatwork.net/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/create-magic-at-work
https://www.facebook.com/112951637095427
https://www.instagram.com/createmagicatwork
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnEm4h3fUgaq8qgvZpz6dGg
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Mentioned in this episode:
This show was brought to you in part by the Magic Thread Media Network. To learn more visit: https://magicthreadmedia.com/
